Well, I thought it was sort of inevitable, but this is just crazy!! Friday I checked into the hospital with lots of contractions, found out I am dialated to a 1 and 40 percent effaced. At 29 weeks!! This is so much earlier than I have encountered problems before, I was not prepared. Luckily the medication they gave me slowed the contractions down a ton and I was able to come home with strict instructions to "rest". Why are they so vague?? I finally got it out of them that basically we are talking bedrest. It begins!!
Normally I would be freaking out, but for some reason I have felt so calm this time around. Maybe because I am getting used to this kind of drama, but I think its a lot more a gift of peace from my Heavenly Father. After we had Kendall I had a really amazing experience in the hospital with her. She had been there for about two weeks and I was really discouraged. She had begun to have episodes where she would quit breathing and turn blue. They would have to give her oxygen and get her going again, it was so terrifying!! Anyway I was really struggling, and I remember having a great internal battle. I could feel my Savior and the Holy Ghost trying to comfort me, but I wouldn't accept it. I kept pointing out "what ifs" and wanting to KNOW that she would be okay, wanted that specifically said in a blessing. Long story short I was very humbled one night as I sat in the nursery around midnight feeding her. A very sick new baby was brought in and he didn't make it through the night. I remember going out to my car and sobbing to my Heavenly Father, asking him for forgiveness for not trusting him, and knowing he knows me better than I know myself. I promised him the next time I would be stronger, and that I would trust in him whatever the outcome. I think this may be my chance to do just that!!
And also can I just say, I have the best friends and family in the whole world!! By today I already have people lined up to help with my kids all next week and meals for my family. I don't know what I would do without you, and I know you will be blessed for they sacrifices you are making for my little family. I can't wait until I can return the favor, I much prefer being the helper to the helpee :)