10.07.2008

What a day!

Okay, before I start, heres a little disclaimer. This is not a post to just complain or get your sympathy. I realize I have things pretty darn good and it could be much, much worse. With that said, I have bad days like every body else, and this one gave me some much needed perspective and taught me a lesson I hope to remember for a long time.

I have felt like crap today. I woke up with a killer headache and it will not stop. I am so nauseous (sp?) that I run to the bathroom every couple of minutes sure I am going to lose it, but I never do. All food is making me sick, so I haven't eaten as much as I should, which makes me feel weak and kind of woozy. While Skylar was at preschool I laid on the floor and let Kendall crawl around me and get into things I never let her get into. When Skylar got home I let them play outside while I laid on the grass on a blanket. They watched more TV than they should have today. By the time they went down for their naps (at the same time the little angels!) I was feeling worse than ever. So instead of being productive I watched an episode of House, and took a nap. When I woke up I felt so so discouraged. I hadn't taught my daughters anything today. I hadn't touched the mountain of laundry sitting in my closet. I hadn't played with them or done any fun Halloween crafts. I hadn't made a good dinner for my wonderful, hard-working husband. I hadn't had more than a passing thought about my Young Women and their individual needs. And mostly I couldn't figure out how in the world I could feel so discouraged and insecure as a mother, only to be bringing another precious child into this world. Then a beautiful, wonderful little angel named Skylar changed everything. I told her that when daddy got home we were going to make caramel apples. She looked up at me and said " You are the best mommy in the whole world!"
Seriously??? I felt like a really crappy mommy. I am so grateful that Skylar does not have the same unrealistic expectations for me that I have for myself. I am so grateful for the reminder that even though I didn't plan some grand educational activity today, or conquer the mountain of laundry today, that my kids know I love them, and in spite of all my weaknesses they still think I am a good mommy. I am so grateful for the precious life I am carrying and the knowledge that families are forever. I know its all worth it. I know I will wake up one day, and long for these days again. Mostly I know that one of Satan's most powerful tools against Heavenly Father's daughters is to make them feel inadequate and doubt their divinity. Today reminded me to never let him have that power over me. Turned out to be a pretty amazing day after all!

8 comments:

The Pond's Lily Pad

Tonii:
You are such a terrific mom, and an example to all your friends. I have spent my fair share of time on the couch, and somehow our kids still love us at the end of the day. Don't get discouraged; you are amazing!!!

Maryann

How can you be a bad mom when you are going through all you are to bring another sweet spirit into this world? You're doing great, and I think the very fact that you were feeling guilty about not doing something "grand" for your kids today speaks volumes!

Rissa..Alex..Haven

You are amazing. Seriously I need you to give me some tips on having learning activities and things for my kids. I am not creative at all when it comes to things like that. You seem like and amazing mom. You have an adorable family.

Mindy

I love you! You are so real! and that is what makes my heart swell when I think of you. Take a day off!!!

Heath694

Tonii,Tonii, Tonii. You are so cute. When you feel crappy that's a signal to take a break. That's sometimes needed. Don't worry, your kids will remember the good times most (like Skylar just proved). And kids are very forgiving!!!

Camille

O tonii! How in the world can you feel like a bad mom! you are such an example to me! You are awesome! i wish we saw more of eachother like we use to but we are both so busy! Just know that I am always here! Please let me take your girls one day next week! Raegan would love to play with skylar and i can't get enough of Kendall! she is so sweet!

Hollie Hanson

What a good post Tonii. Man, I am just barely out of the sickness part of this pregnancy (last 20 weeks!)So I know exactly how you feel! I went through 5 months of feeling like the crappiest mom in the world. And wife on top of that! But always, my kids were reminders to me that it is ok. That no matter what, their love for me doesn't change and in their eyes life is pretty dang good. I have way too high of expectations for myself, but this pregnancy is slowly teaching me it doesn't have to be so. Even now, with the anemia problems and threatened preterm delivery I have bad days that remind me it's ok as a mom to take it easy. To not HAVE to get the 8 loads of laundry I am behind on done. That the kids CAN watch a little extra tv for entertainment when your head is in a toilet :) And certainly- cereal for dinner here and there is Not the end of the world! So don't sweat the little stuff. Remember the kids are tiny enough they probably won't even remember this part of their life later :) Love ya! Keep your chin up! You're a great mommy. I hope for your sake your morning sickness isn't too bad!

Karlee Turner

Sorry for your bad day!! While I was home sick yesterday, barely even getting off the couch I was wondering what I was goign to do when I have little ones running around...I think that once you are an adult you shouldn't get sick!! Don't be too hard on yourself though...you're an amazing mother!!