Okay, before I start, heres a little disclaimer. This is not a post to just complain or get your sympathy. I realize I have things pretty darn good and it could be much, much worse. With that said, I have bad days like every body else, and this one gave me some much needed perspective and taught me a lesson I hope to remember for a long time.
I have felt like crap today. I woke up with a killer headache and it will not stop. I am so nauseous (sp?) that I run to the bathroom every couple of minutes sure I am going to lose it, but I never do. All food is making me sick, so I haven't eaten as much as I should, which makes me feel weak and kind of woozy. While Skylar was at preschool I laid on the floor and let Kendall crawl around me and get into things I never let her get into. When Skylar got home I let them play outside while I laid on the grass on a blanket. They watched more TV than they should have today. By the time they went down for their naps (at the same time the little angels!) I was feeling worse than ever. So instead of being productive I watched an episode of House, and took a nap. When I woke up I felt so so discouraged. I hadn't taught my daughters anything today. I hadn't touched the mountain of laundry sitting in my closet. I hadn't played with them or done any fun Halloween crafts. I hadn't made a good dinner for my wonderful, hard-working husband. I hadn't had more than a passing thought about my Young Women and their individual needs. And mostly I couldn't figure out how in the world I could feel so discouraged and insecure as a mother, only to be bringing another precious child into this world. Then a beautiful, wonderful little angel named Skylar changed everything. I told her that when daddy got home we were going to make caramel apples. She looked up at me and said " You are the best mommy in the whole world!"
Seriously??? I felt like a really crappy mommy. I am so grateful that Skylar does not have the same unrealistic expectations for me that I have for myself. I am so grateful for the reminder that even though I didn't plan some grand educational activity today, or conquer the mountain of laundry today, that my kids know I love them, and in spite of all my weaknesses they still think I am a good mommy. I am so grateful for the precious life I am carrying and the knowledge that families are forever. I know its all worth it. I know I will wake up one day, and long for these days again. Mostly I know that one of Satan's most powerful tools against Heavenly Father's daughters is to make them feel inadequate and doubt their divinity. Today reminded me to never let him have that power over me. Turned out to be a pretty amazing day after all!